So sick

February 14, 2017

Hello. Wow, it's been a while since the last time I posted something on the blog. Before I went completely on hiatus, I left with two heart-broken inspired writing written in Bahasa Indonesia, I guess, until one day I decided I didn't want to see it anymore because I don't want my blog to be a dark and gloomy place so I deleted them. Even though there are still many traces of him here because well, what can I say, he used to be my muse and I used to write everything about him. Deleting all the posts with him in it would be a lot of hard work so I'll just let them stay here.

Anyway, how's life? I'm doing great! It's probably not something you would expect to hear from me, right? ;D But seriously tho, I'm doing great. The new semester has just started and even though now I'm single, I'm glad that my relationship with him ended. I always knew that we would clash, that somewhere along the way we wouldn't work out together. But my love for him covered all of his flaws. Too bad he couldn't handle me. Even though he promised a thousand sweet things, none of them came true. And I couldn't stay in a relationship where he said one thing but his action said another thing. I regret it. I wish I could save myself sooner before I let him see my darkest side and gave him my all. But now I will find peace and continue living. I will start gathering my dreams and life plan again and he's not going to be in it. I will get back to writing, take more and more photographs, travel often, and be happy again. It's hard to face the truth, but he can't handle me at my worst and as much as I really want to fix everything, I can't trust him for whatever reason.that is. He has disappointed me in ways I can't imagine. Fool me thinking that he was different, that he would change.

I deserve someone better. Who would love me the way I loved him without me questioning everything. And that person would love me not because I was some sort of challenge, but because my eyes beam with moonlight when I talk about things I'm passionate about, because I laugh hard over the stupidest joke, because I trip over things, who wouldn't mind letting me cry on public because he knew he'd be there to calm me down, who wouldn't give me the fear of losing him, who would love me and all of my demons. And until that day comes, I will keep on living beautifully and seize the day. Because life's too short to busy yourself over one heart break. I've learned my lesson and now I'm ready to leave.

Anyway, here's a little set of some photographs I took when me and my friends went to Langgeng Art Space in Prawirotaman last Saturday. We were supposed to survey some places for our upcoming event held in May but as always, we just had to take pictures :p

Photos are taken by me, photos that have me in it are taken by Galih!

I'm so glad to be able to write something up again after so many months. Heart break is not easy, but I've found my closure and I'm glad losing him isn't really a big loss for me afterall. Well, actually, he lost me. And I hope it's gonna ache him years from now, when I'm already with this new person who realizes my worth and takes care of me in ways he wishes he could have done all those time ago. So, see you guys on the next post! xx

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